How To Speak Australian 2

Last night I learned that "root" means fornicate (i.e., screw, bang, shag, bonk, you get the idea). This was revealed to be by my boss' boss' boss at a team dinner. Needless to say, the wine did not make me turn red.

Guess no one sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" or wears Roots Canada sportswear. How do they refer to the portion of a plant that absorbs water and nutrients from the soil?!

Free Stuff Rocks

People pass out free weekly city guides at the train stations around town - 9 to 5 and City Weekly. It reminds me of Time Out but not as edgy. There are definitely some good suggestions for events and things to do, as well as decent fashion and beauty tips. The pages of ads for hookers and massage parlors probably fund the publishing (yes, Virginia, prostitution is legal here, albeit regulated).

Not As Crazy As You'd Think

The weather cleared up late yesterday, so I did the Sydney Harbor BridgeClimb. A good chunk of time is devoted to suiting up and simulation (no cameras allowed - boo hoo) and four picture breaks, but it was over 400 stairs to climb so still a decent workout. You are always strapped onto the safety cables, and the coverall and gear ensure that you have everything you need attached somewhere. Photos came out great - these are coming soon!

The Aroma Coffee Festival was quite nice today, but the one stand I wanted to try was too crowded. Perhaps I will take another schlep out to Bondi Junction to buy some drinking chocolate, maybe check out the beach while I'm there.

Also enjoyed the view and the scene at Opera Bar post-lattes. Too bad we couldn't get a seat outside, but the inside part was completely open to the patio, so wasn't too unfortunate. Had a nice relaxing drink and snack with co-workers.

How to Speak Australian

I've picked up quite a bit of Ozzie slang while here:

No worries = No problem
Bits = Stuff
Potato Gems = Tater Tots
Pissed = Drunk
Taking the Piss = Making Fun Of
Tomato Sauce = Ketchup
Beetroot = Beets
Hungry Jack's = Burger King
Maccas = McDonalds

Tonight after getting pissed, we went to Maccas (which I thought for a while was Mackers), which is apparently ritual here. Everyone there seemed to be drunk. Since I normally hate to have food I can eat at home, but nothing else was open, I tried something new. The McOz has a slice of beetroot on it. It was quite good. Almost got into an altercation with some idiot who corrected me when I said ketchup. I told him to bite me, and he followed me around the store asking if that was a invitation, promise, or threat.

I'm With Stupid

I know I'm a little behind the times here, but my excuse is that I'm 14 timezones away...

Our friend Andrew is an Internet celeb! He even was written up on Wired. All because some stupid Congressman in bed with telecom shot his mouth off. Well, at least he can blame GW for setting the precedent.

Go buy a t-shirt.

Semi-Conscious Observations (so far)

• Sydney is like London, but with better weather and without the collective rod up the bum.
• I am never ever ever complaining about prices in New York ever again. Most consumer goods are cheaper in the States than here, and this is accounting for the dollar's advantage with the exchange rate. For example, CK One Summer perfume costs $40 at Sephora; here at Myer department store, it's AU$80 (approximately $60). I hope this does not lead my colleagues over here to send me orders to be shipped via interoffice mail...
• Sushi here is kinda lame. They use CANNED TUNA. The horror! I have been told that Mexican sucks, but I haven't been yet.
• Target is infinitely cooler in the US (well, relatively speaking). The branch I went to in Bondi Junction was about half the size of any Target in the US and did not have any cool designer clothing lines. Plus, there was no food or cleaning products. I did find a cheap hair dryer, but no Febreze.
• Aussies do not seem very paranoid about security. While I was sleeping on Saturday (sometime in the late afternoon, mind you) , someone from the real estate agency popped in to bring me a complimentary breakfast basket. They did not merely leave it outside my door; they came in and left it in the front hallway. I did not realize someone was there until they had already entered my apartment. Even then, after she announced herself, all I did was mutter "OK".

G'day!

Arrived in Sydney at 6am, before sunrise. I must say, Qantas biz class ROCKS! Good food, good movie selection. Only thing I wasn't as crazy about are the reclining seats need a tad bit more padding. It was cool to drive into the city as the sun came up, with Leonard Cohen on the radio, courtesy of my awesome cab driver.

My apartment is in Milsons Point, a cute little suburb right across from the CBD (central business district) with great views of the harbor, the Sydney Harbor Bridge, and the Opera House.

As excited as I am to be here, I am very homesick. It didn't help that my bloody mobile cannot make international calls. When I called Vodafone Australia to sort it out, they said they can't help me. DAMN! Monday I get a company phone, thank goodness, but until then I am SOL.

Please email me!

I Could Get Used To This

Sipping a glass of moscato at AA's Admirals Club in JFK Terminal 9, I realize that I may never be physically capable of flying coach again. I wonder if Qantas' lounge in LAX is even better...

HINT: If you are flying to Australia on a oneworld carrier, call AAdvantage's hotline and sign up for the Platinum Challenge. Even without business or first bonus points you can hit platinum if your round trip is within 90 days.

Au revoir mes amis! More to come from Down Under!

Post-Holiday Blues

Today sucked. I am leaving for Oz in a day. Not only did I not have a plane ticket as of this morning, I ended up making the arrangements myself. Also, I had to submit my corporate card application twice, and when the project manager sent an email asking for a cash advance for me, I had to send five emails and fill out another form to get it done. Hopefully they will be able to cut the check before I leave today. Cramps are not helping the situation. I really don't like having so much dumped on me in one day, especially since I have not been busy for the last week and a half.

This may sound odd, but I can't wait to be on the plane tomorrow.

Partay

Had my birthday party tonight (well, yesterday). Kirby and I were born three hours apart, so we threw a joint shindig. Jason and I got caught in the rain and ducked into Mosto for food on the way to Katra. Overall it went well, but I think the stress of this week made me more tired than usual.

Normally I like parties, but I find it exhausting to host big ones, especially as I get older. It makes me feel really guilty to not be able to talk to someone or a group of people for a long period of time. I think going forward I will either have them at home or just have smaller ones.

Another Year

I'm 27 now. It doesn't feel any different. This birthday corresponds with my one-year anniversary with J and my new job. Lots of change. Sometimes I am uncomfortable with change, but I have been trying to make more efforts to embrace it. I hope this year is as good or better than the last...yeay me!

We went to Erawan for the Big Day. Jason and my dad had a nice civil conversation on politics; there was no flinging of pad thai across the table. My dad made no effort to conceal his conspiring with the waitress to bring me dessert with dinner. They brought out a gong, which added to my embarassment. I can see instances, such as these, would be good for wearing a burka.

Holy Crap

Current mood: in a state of fear

I started my new job today. Since last night, it hit me that I have a new job. And I have been completely freaking out. All these thoughts are scrambling through my head: can I hack this job, will this company suck worse than Accenture, do I have to up and leave for Sydney right away, how will I cope with missing the summer...

The day actually went ok. One of the division heads came in from headquarters to get me acquainted, and an 11am "meeting" in the data center involved watching the Italy v. Australia World Cup match. I have some reading to do, but overall I am not busy yet. There was a brief moment of sheer panic, but I managed to avoid a complete meltdown at my desk and casting a really bad first impression to my co-workers.

As a welcome, the division head took me and a team member in town from Sydney out to dinner. I recommended Rosa Mexicano - fortunately, they loved it.

So far so good...

Damn Mosquitoes

We should have booked a snorkel/kayak trip ahead of time. We probably would not have found a kayak trip due to the holiday, but I think we could have found a better snorkeling trip. I realize that my Spanish needs some brushing up since I kept having the salespeople repeat prices and scheduling.

We booked the first catamaran trip we could find, East Wind Catamaran. Overall, we were both ehhh about the trip. The bus to pick us up arrived over 40 minutes late. As a result, we barely had space for seats on the packed boat. Upon arrival at Icacos Island, it started to rain. The water was also fairly choppy so it was hard to snorkel without getting seasick. The woman smoking on the back of the boat and throwing the butts overboard (in blatant violation of the rules) didn't help my stomach. Waiting on line for the lunch buffet was a little ridiculous - I don't understand what takes so long for people to make sandwiches when everything is pre-sliced and easily accessible. The reef was not bad, until the purple jellyfish convention showed up. I had to wait to jump off the catamaran until they swam away. Allie was already back on the boat napping after about 15 minutes. After having a weak pina colada, I fell asleep for most of the trip back to the Marina del Rey. During my nap, mosquitoes attacked me. I have at least 36 bites, mostly on my right thigh. For the next few days I'll be on West Nile watch...

The best parts of this excursion are the hoooooot crew members, the fresh fruit, and the water slide. If you are not claustrophobic and like watered-down drinks, this is your bag. Otherwise, try another company.

San Juan Times Two

Of course the sun was out and blazing while we wandered around Viejo San Juan today. The packed bus ride took us on a nice roundabout tour of the projects with spotty air conditioning. The two forts in town had nice views and cost only five dollars to see, but the hike up to El Morro was at least a quarter-mile. Luckily, we were able to locate a restaurant recommended by my cousin's friend, Aguaviva. While I normally wouldn't pay 80 bucks for a lunch, this was well worth it, especially the yuca gnocchi.

When we got back to hotel it started to rain. Ho hum.

Apparently we timed our trip to correspond with El Dia de San Juan. The hotel had a party (read: overpriced bbq). In a few minutes I'm off to participate in the tradition of walking backwards into the sea and dunking myself at the stroke of midnight, or something to that effect. Whatever it is, it's for good luck, of which I can always use.

Borinquen

My cousin and I took a trip to Puerto Rico in between my jobs. We were expecting some nice beach time, lots of sun, and fruity drinks poolside. The forecast for the next few days is :

• today - PM thunderstorms (this is accurate so far)
• tomorrow - PM thunderstorms
• Saturday - rain (we are supposed to go snorkelling or kayaking)
• Sunday - partly cloudy

Of course with my luck, the damn sun will come out as we are flying out of San Juan. Ho hum.

Even though I've been here before, briefly, I forgot how American this island really is. I feel like it is a hotter, tropical, version of New York, with all the fast food chains and Spanish language signs. Every time I try to talk to people in Spanish, they answer me in English. We are staying at the Holiday Inn Isla Verde. This is within walking distance of the airport, but I believe we have to jump a fence to get in - not going to happen, what with the size of my cousin's luggage. Plus, there is bird shit on most of the pool lounge chairs. Yech.

Last Dance

IT'S MY LAST DAY WITH ACCENTURE - WOO HOO!

Today actually started off bad. I woke up with a headache. Then I could not transfer a workout DVD off of my work computer. I also realized I was missing my Palm Hot-Sync cable. Twenty dollars later, I realized that my camera cable would have fit.

I made it into the office in the late afternoon to file my last time report, mail out my receipts, and turn in my laptop, all in the span of one hour. While there I noticed our golden-child Apprentice working hard as usual - checking his Gmail account and making phone calls to make sure that he was on guest lists. Talk about a strong contributor.

I'm surprised that I'm not more excited about leaving. Maybe I should have taken more time in between jobs. Dangling the payout of all my vacation time doesn't hurt my bank account tho. I hope that I have a slight break in between now and shipping out to Sydney.

L'chaim

My mom dragged me to her friend's son's wedding. By the way, they are Hasidic, Satmars to be precise. So we all had to be completely covered and tzniuzdik in 90-degree heat. Fun. It turned out to be not so bad though. Surprisingly, the food was not bad, but, alas, there was no booze. It took me by surprised that the actual wedding was held right on the sidewalk outside the synagogue, under a shabby chuppah. Both immediate families were so happy we were there, although some of the fellow congregants were eyeing us as if we had cooties or something. My dad was a decent sport about being one of two men seated on the women's side. Of course, he struck up a conversation on politics with the other goyim (i.e., Reform Jewish) folks seated at our goy table; as much as I tell him it's not really polite or appropriate, he always tries to convert liberals. Ho hum...

De-motivational speaking

At this point it is really hard for me to get my work done. There is so much administrative BS I have to slog through, and as much as I am attached to the success of this project, I am feeling really lazy. Hope my co-workers don't hate me when I leave.

Delta Shuttle Etiquette

• If there are plenty of empty seats, especially on the non-peak flights, please don't sit next to a person on the right side of the MD-88. This pencil-neck got kicked out of a reserved row and had to sit right next to me since I was in the first available row. There was enough space to leave a seat empty right across the aisle, and no other two-seat rows were full. Jackass.
• I understand that if you're the NYC police commissioner, you may need some extra security. Fair enough. I don't mind having the first two rows reserved for your entourage either, despite the no reserved seats policy. However, do you have to board the plane when it's scheduled to take off? Because of the late arrivals, we didn't leave La Guardia until almost noon, because of runway congestion. Delays like this make all the business travelers on the plane late for their scheduled meetings (like me). Not nice. This, by the way, goes for anyone, not just bigwigs.

I believe Gabe Pressman was also on the plane, so that makes a double sighting.

For Love or Money?

[stream of consciousness]
Just finished watching the Apprentice finale. This is the only episode of the show I have ever seen. It just never interested me. One of my esteemed alums and co-workers was a finalist, but I would not have voted for him, truth be told. At his first department meeting, he spent more time on his cell phone discussing jewelry than paying attention to presentations that would have been relevant to his work. Good thing he didn't quit the day job. Politicians may be able to sweet-talk everyone, but at the end of the day, people generally dislike slick, slimy sweet-talkers. I thought it was really ballsy of Sean to declare on national television that he was going to marry his fellow contestant/girlfriend. Let's see how long that relationship lasts when every hoochie in the free world tries to get a piece of the latest winner and he has his pick of Playmates and Pets of the Month. Speaking of marriage, what's the big deal? Have we made no progress in the last thirty years that all roads must lead down the aisle? Granted I have a lot of friends who are in very happy marriages, I also know some whose marriages are more hassle than they're worth or have already dissolved courtesy of lawyers. Besides, I'm sure all of us have at least one friend who has married or is engaged to someone completely heinous that the relationship is incomprehensible unless daily mind-blowing nookie is assumed. Don't get me wrong, I am totally in love and think that under the right circumstances marriage is in essence a good yet peculiar institution. However, I don't have this obsessive compulsion to fingercuff myself and attain the Mrs. degree. People have started asking me when it's going to happen, and at this point, there are no updates - sorry to disappoint. I have to agree with J tho, registering for cool stuff like an ice cream maker and other fun housewares sounds like a blast. Truth be told, I already am pretty well-stocked thanks to my mom and my aunt with more stuff than I have space for - martini glasses, a Le Creuset stovetop grill, a wok for two, Iitala dinnerware, I could keep going. And I'm not one of these takeout-menu queens either; my cookware is used quite regularly unlike some people I know who get all these great wedding gifts that collect dust. Maybe I will start posting recipes and pictures of the final product soon. With this new job, I'm looking forward to testing out more recipes from the Food Network and Rachael Ray's magazine. At first I thought she was kinda dippy, but her stuff is really creative and easy at the same time, nirvana for the working woman. I'm looking forward to shopping for some wardrobe updates for my new gig.
[/stream of consciousness]

I Really Feel Old

Just went to my 10-year high school reunion. They put all the reunion classes together, so it was somewhat difficult to tell who was in our class and who wasn't. A lot of my friends came back, and none of the bitchy people whom we kinda wanted to see how they turned out. Did not drink much since I bitchslapped my liver with some Citros cosmos the night before - had to cheer up after the Met game got rained out somehow...

As much as I hate going to Italian restaurants (why eat out when I can cook it for less?), Bello's right next door to J's place was really good. We then proceeded to Kion for my fellow June-baby friend Marilyn's birthday. While not quite hipster, this new gem in the East Village had decor that is really interesting, and the DJ played great 80's singles, including some remixes. The cocktails were good too. Will have to try them for dinner...

The Tao of Blackjack

1. Play the odds unless you are by yourself. Splitting 10's is not pro-social behavior. Plus, it throws off the chi of the table.
2. Leave the table immediately if people do not follow Rule 1.
3. Never play against the dealer alone. One hundred bucks will evaporate in five minutes.
4. Never listen to a pit boss who tries to convince you to play against the odds.
5. Make sure the dealer does not take away your money on a winning hand - they can be sneaky!

I loved my dealer last night (yes, I'm in Vegas for trip #6). She told me that I look younger than 26 - I still got It!!! My secret is moisturizer, honest. Nothing frightens me more than scalpels, barbed threads, or botulinum toxin entering my body. [shudder]

Free At Last

It's official - my big news is that I got a new job. This will require two months of training in Sydney - score! - and some occasional short-term business travel to other branches in the US and Canada.

For those of you who have known me for a while, you are probably saying, "About effing time." I have been exploring options since Purgatory last summer. However, given that my current project is so great, it's been really hard for me to give notice. I have a lot of mixed feelings, mostly relief and excitement, but also a tinge of sadness for leaving behind some great people (well, with a few exceptions).

J is definitely happy that I'll be home more, so that we can spend time together more spontaneously. My mom is thrilled that I'll be able to eat dinner at home more often. I'm eager to have more time locally to spend with friends and also to try something new. Let's see where life takes me...

Down Under

[teaser]
Coming up I'm planning on going to Vegas, the Bahamas, and if I can swing it, Morocco to visit my good friend C.

Then in July and August, I'm going to Sydney. Yes, that's right, Australia. I should be back in time for the family trip to Alaska for my folks' 35th. Why Australia, that's coming...
[/teaser]

Go Big Red

Got this from a friend. If you didn't go to Cornell, you probably won't care. If you attended RPI or MIT, please disregard. :)

Doonesbury, which we have seen over the past few weeks, has featured one of its main characters, Alex Doonesbury, picking her college. It seems that the strip's author Gary Trudeau is allowing the public to pick her college for her via an online poll. If she picks Cornell, then Cornell's name will feature regularly in one of the most read and most respected comics in the United States. If anyone else thinks this would be cool,try voting yourself and sending the link off to your buddies.

Double Vision

Two celebrity sightings tonight in the East Village - a record! First, Kimora Lee (no longer Simmons) was modeling next to that new funky glass building. Then I saw Michael Musto walk his bike across 3rd Avenue with a few friends. Then it was off to the usual booze and junk food at Crif Dogs and Bua, as well as an ice cream treat at Australian.

Sob Stories

Is it a rule that all newly published memoirs must be depressing? While reviewing some non-fiction books for Elle's reader panel, the main recurring theme in all of the autobiographies was how horrible their life was at some time. Observe:

Hillbilly Gothic: uncomfortable pregnancy followed by mental ward-worthy postpartum depression. I really want to have kids now.

Jesus Land: Bible thumpers abuse their adopted black children, care more about the dog and missionary work than their kids, and send "misbehaving sinners" (read: normal teenagers) to ultraChristian reform school hell in the Dominican Republic. Thank God my parents are sane.

Lifeguarding: father is alcoholic and unemployed, then in junior high the author discovers she is a lesbian and comes out while in college - in 1970's Kentucky. I think this would have been more uplifting if the author had provided more details on how her life is now with her partner instead of leaving it as an afterthought in the acknowledgements.

The least depressing was The Horizontal World, which was basically about someone wanting to leave the North Dakota farm where she grew up. Not much happens in North Dakota, and this book of rebelling and becoming a metal singer and quasi-slacker was quite refreshing after reading tale after tale of woe. Not to marginalize the authors' experiences, but I think the sample Elle selected could have had more balance.

Hold Your Horses

For all of you complaining that I do not update my blog enough (Mike), there is a very good reason for that. Part of the reason is that my LGA-DCA travel schedule is very erratic. However, for reasons that I can't really discuss now, there are some things that have been keeping me busy. I may have some big news by the end of the week, that's all I can say right now...

Rejoice Ye Slacker

Thou shalt not fear the wrath of God - or thy boss - for extracurricular office web surfing, so sayeth the courts. I'm sure a lot of people are happy about this one...

A Village is Missing Its Necrophiliac

I can't figure out which is sicker, the person who has been looking for King Tut's penis (and measuring and examining it), or the person who broke it off in the first place (if that's what happened). Who out there really cares if Tutankhamun was better endowed than Ötzi the Iceman?

Contents Under Pressure

Some things about being a modern woman give me pause. I thought about this today while on the Delta Shuttle. Across the aisle, a woman in a pantsuit was wearing very high heels. Who travels in heels? Personally, I wear them when I am in the office or at a club; otherwise, I am in transit in flipflops or Puma-lookalike sneakers. The thought of dragging a rollaboard and a laptop bag or hoofing it to the subway in stilettos or anything with greater than an inch heel disturbs me.
To my left, a woman who appeared to be in her early to mid-thirties was reviewing her IVF handbook and highlighting relevant sections. Perhaps my maternal instincts have not gone into overdrive yet, but why would a woman pump herself full of carcinogenic drugs (needles - OW!) and then have eggs extracted(double OW!), on top of the general aches and pains of pregnancy, for the sake of having a child? One of my friends underwent this procedure, more so because her husband was snipped during his first marriage, and had such a miserable time. She had to undergo two cycles, and losing the first baby really destroyed her mental health for a few months. Plus, the progesterone she had to ingest during the first trimester made her hip joints hurt. To me, this sounds spookily like a woman's body becoming little more than a babymaking factory. Is having a "perfect family" worth it? I ask myself if I would be willing to undergo this if God forbid I ever have fertility issues. At this point, my answer would be an emphatic NO, that I would rather roll someone else's genetic dice and adopt or even just be everyone favorite "auntie" than endure this, and I have profound respect and befuddlement for those who do.
The underlying question is then, after over thirty years of feminism and women's lib, must we still be valued by our ability to look good in uncomfortable shoes and pop out babies? Has the movement to emancipate women from the chains of the "feminine mystique" simply encaged us in a new prison? Selfishly, is this what I have to look forward to?!

Book(tape)worm

I have gotten a lot of reading done lately, which is good since I have umpteen million books sitting on shelves at home and in my parents' place, waiting to be read and then sold or given back to their owners.

Since my last post, I have read 7 books. Woo woo. Here is my take in 5 words or less:

Chocolat - more colorful than the movie
Christ the Lord - Young Jewish Jesus, fast read
French Women Don't Get Fat - good recipes, slightly too Francophile
Persepolis 2 - Iranian teen in Europe, illustrated
Veronica - NYTimes Bestseller for good reason
Smashed: A Drunken Girlhood - reminds me of some friends (and/or their significant others)
Influence - psych take on manipulation
Star Struck - Pam Anderson roman a clef, take 2

The Influence book says that to take a public vow is very effective for sticking to goals, so let's see if this works. As of today, I will not be purchasing any more books or taking any out of the library until I have read through at least all the ones on my apartment shelf.

Happy Passover/Easter

Ahh the joys of interfaith couplehood. One main benefit is two sets of holidays. Another is not fighting over whose mother to visit for the holidays, since each mom takes care of a separate holiday.

Yesterday I baked the NYT's sesame Passover cookies. They came out quite good, although I learned not to grind sesame seeds that are still hot from being toasted. I did not kasher my kitchen, but I did use matzoh cake meal, which took trips to two stores to find, in Forest Hills no less.

Jason's family's Seder was significantly shorter than the Passoutover (i.e., thank-God-there-is-no-hell-in-Judaism irreverent Seder) my friend James holds. Not that I am complaining. The homemade matzoh ball soup hit the spot after a long day of dealing with getting signature files faxed to the accountant. I also discovered that gefilte fish can taste good, if you buy the right kind - Manischevitz Gold is quite good. The flourless chocolate cake was the pinnacle, and the lead sinker, of the meal. It was so good I didn't mind the feeling of a dessert that rich impeding my digestion. J's mom sent us home with a care package - yeay!

Low-Carb and Loathing It

I have not eaten carbs in eight days. However, I have a feeling that will go out the window this week, what with the holidays....

Sisterly Love

My sorority celebrates Founder's Day today, our 111th anniversary. Rah rah. I guess I'm ambivalent about the experience, since I was considered an alcoholic slut in a house half-full of stuck-up boring prisses, and we spent half our time worrying about recruiting pledges to try to avoid the inevitable shut-down. Now a scummy frat took over our house.

A great paraphrased quote from Koren Zailckas: "Anything that needs a concept-word such as sisterhood to define it is bullshit." (Note: the sorority she joined at SU is really Kappa Alpha Theta. Guess she wasn't as vindictive as that psycho at Sam Houston who posted "ritual" on the Internet and spouted a bunch of Bible-thumping True Love Waits crap.)

Cooking Do's and Dont's

Tip #456,760 - do not cook kofta on a stove-top grill without an exhaust fan. Unless of course you enjoy filling small spaces with beef-scented smoke.

Since my mom insists that I not cook for holidays, I took my folks out to Uncle George's for their wedding anniversary. It was empty, which is highly unusual, but totally fine since we didn't have to wait.

F-f-f-foolin'

Was very tempted to call J and "come out" as a lesbian or a dominatrix, but thought it could backfire; either he'd break up with me or ask for a demonstration.

Shopping - The Agony and the Ecstasy

My shopping exploits over the past couple of days have been mixed. Yesterday I got two Diane von Furstenberg suitcases for under 200 bucks at TJ Maxx. They don't match, but the bright colors should prevent going home with the wrong standard-issue black rollaboard. Score!

On to Bloomingdale's for suits - completely struck out. The merchandise either fit poorly or was way too expensive, even with coupons. Plus, I could barely get cropped jeans up my thighs. I'm having a Bloated Day. ARGH!

Always having to end on a positive, a package of clothes arrived at my parents' today. The bathing suit and summer dresses fit almost to a T. Whee!!! I'm getting set for a rocking stylish summer.

Spring Cleaning

Today I started cleaning my apartment, top-to-bottom. I got throug the bathroom and the changing area, and the vacuuming. Now I am completely exhausted, but I figure the effort is worth it so that my apartment can be immaculate and guest-ready if friends or parents drop in unexpectedly. All I have to do now is get into the habit of making my bed.

It seems the time is right for cleaning out the clutter of my life. In addition to paring down my calendar, I think I will start separating the wheat from the chaff where friends are concerned. [rant] I'm getting sick and tired of "frenemies" who are constantly namedropping and playing the top-this game, or who do spiteful and mean things and think I don't notice or don't care. Heads up, biatches, I do notice, but I don't care enough about you to bitch the way you might. I have bared the claws in the past, and it is not pretty, hence why I do so sparingly and only in extreme situations. I am losing my tolerance for people who meddle in my affairs, try to make me feel like I'm not being current or good enough, blow me off to do "something more important", subject me or my friends to verbal abuse, or call me only when they need something. Eff that. Lose my number, I already deleted yours. [/rant]

Back to scrubbing...

Bibliophilia

In the last week, I have acquired over 10 books, between the Queens Public Library (Forest Hills branch), Half.com, and Buy.com. Not to mention, I currently have over twenty books on the To-Read stack here and at my folks' house. Does this qualify as an addiction or an obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Isaac Hayes is a Jerk

Thank you to the South Park creators for putting this brainwashed freak in his place. Scientology shouldn't try to impinge on free speech and humor because it makes them look stupid. If you follow a "religion" created by a sci-fi writer on a bet, then you should expect this. As he is trying to expel his internal aliens, he is alienating his fans.

Proof I Can Cook

Sunday dinner went well. This was a Chrismukah gift to J since it's his favorite dish, and I invited friends to treat them as well and minimize the amount of leftovers. I cooked the sauce and meatballs under my mom's supervision with my great-grandmother's pot, which proved interesting for transporting back to my apartment. Luckily, I managed to get home without spilling very hot tomato sauce in my car with light gray interior. As a plus, I got a Sicilian twist from Joe's Sicilian, where I worked in high school (more on them another time). There was only enough pasta left over for one serving, and, more importantly, he didn't break up with me. Yeay!!!!! He even helped me clean everything up, which was a huge help.

Chris and Heidi brought me Pasta Red from Knapp Vineyards, which they bought at the Finger Lakes Wine Festival last July. It was good. This year, I think I will buy a case as well. It's a good complement to marinara sauce and is smooth and easy to drink.

Afterwards, J and I watched the Sopranos. This episode inspired a lot of mixed emotions. All HBO original series are all over the place in the first episode. As my friend Argun describes it, it seems like Chase is "masturbating all over the screen." There is too much going on. They focused too much on peripheral characters, and the tie-in to the guy from Celebrity Fit Club got really stale. I saw the suicide coming a mile away. I miss Adriana. Drea De Matteo is from Whitestone, gotta support the hometown gals. There are so many product placements but no really good ones like the Uncle Ben's inspiring a panic attack with Meadow was dating Noah. Besides the obvious ones like the cereal, the new cellphone, and the Porsche, Carmela wore that Vera Wang flower pin to death. There were a couple of holy-shit moments tho, one of which should make the rest of the season really interesting. Janice having a baby? Charmaine and Artie back together? Junior shooting Tony? Holy shit!

Big Love was, for lack of a better word, eh. I am really not interested in how (HBO thinks) polygamous couples live in Utah, with the ED, budget problems, secrecy, and all that stuff. It wasn't that engulfing. Random sighting: Pedro's girlfriend from Napoleon Dynamite plays one of the fast-food joint servers.

Next Sunday is the Feast of St. Joseph, so I think I will have folks over before the Sopranos for some good ol' sfingi and zeppole. If you've never had them, all you need to know is they are cream puffs on steroids that beat the hell out of corned beef and cabbage ;)

Random Thoughts

• Guns Germs and Steel: It's refreshing to read a book that explores why the haves and have-nots are that way, without blaming their genes or their skin color. I'll save you all the 400+ pages of reading; like real estate, it's all about location, location, location.
• Churrascaria Plataforma: after visiting the Met with my mom, cousin and aunt, we arrived for a 6:30 reservation at 5:15. However, we were not seated until 6:50. The caipirinha we each had to tide us over was REALLY strong. Then after the salad bar line that wound around the table once, we barely had any meat. Having only been there once before about three and a half years ago, I think it's best to eat there no more than once a year.
• Nieto 2003 Malbec: I got this Argentinian wine at my housewarming, but I can't remember who brought it. Last night I cracked it open post-Plataforma with a friend. The verdict? Oaky, dry red (really close to purple) with a bite. Not my favorite, but I didn't want to pour it down the drain.

Cooking a traditional Sunday dinner of pasta and meatballs for Jason and some friends; the sauce is cooking as I type. Looking forward to the first episode of the Sopranos in what seems like an eternity. Bada bing, baby!

Labia is Beautiful

I never thought I'd have this conversation:

my friend in LA: "My vagina looks weird. I saw other people's post-op pics and they look so much nicer than mine. I hate looking at it."
me: "Sweetie, I'm sure your new vagina looks wonderful. Besides, if anyone were to look at it and say that it looks weird, you should kick them in the teeth and just leave."
LA LA: "Just wait, I'll show it to you."

Will seeing her surgery results lower my purity score?

Car of the Week: Hyundai Sonata V6

At least I did not get another gas-guzzler. This week I learned how to drive a car with Tektronic transmission, so it was kinda like a manual without the pain-in-the-arse clutch. I didn't think the gear switching was that responsive tho. Plus it handles like crap in the rain with normal automatic transmission.

Happy Bday Li'l Bro

My brother is 25 years old today. Wow, we are old.

Cruisin'

For my parents' 35th this year, we are going on a week-long cruise to Alaska in September. Yeay! Something to look forward to...

Gotta Have It

Does anyone know where I can buy apparel that Russia's Olympic team is wearing? Love love love the folk motif.

(Yes, I am planning on buying a US Team vest or t-shirt from roots - I like the blue stripe ones on the midriff.)

Hell for Tree-Huggers

I don't know how my karma is coming up with this, but this week the car rental company gives me an even bigger SUV. When I drive the Ford Explorer, I feel like I'm trying to navigate a tank in a Baghdad alleyway. Not to mention the hideous below-20 mpg. Do people really need to consume that much gas for that much car?

Let It Snow!

What a wonderful feeling to wake up and see fifteen inches of snow heaped on my air conditioner. Granted my block will probably not be plowed by the DSNY for at least three days, this means that I DON'T HAVE TO FLY OUT FOR WORK TONIGHT!! WHOOPPEE!!!

Jason and I spent the weekend lazing around, watching the Olympics - yeay! - cooking, reading, and just doing nothing. For V-Day, he made me (or rather, he planned the menu but we cooked together) mesclun salad, chicken over fettucine with his signature pink peppercorn cream sauce, and chocolate mousse with fresh whipped cream. Needless to say, I was very happy.

South Beach starts again on Wednesday so that I may indulge in goodies on Valentine's Day. I rationalize this since I won't be home to spend it with him, so I need some creature comforts. Plus, it's a holiday.

Bienvenidos a Miami

As luck would have it, there is another conference. This week it's in Miami, which means I got to work from home on Monday and Tuesday (yes!). However, this is not as poshy-posh as some of the others I've attended. For one, it is at an airport hotel, not somewhere swank on South Beach. Second, it is warmer right now in NYC than it is here. This is not beach or pool lounging weather (perhaps it was planned that way so as not to distract us from the conference?). The sponsors did OK with tonight's cocktail hour tho. Wish, the rooftop bar at The Hotel was really nice. Someone made it into the pool, but on purpose. The random post-party ended up at the Delano's pooside bar (guess everyone was in the chlorine mood). The infinity pool had a ledge that made dipping toes in convenient. 'Twas fun for all, until someone did a cannonball into the pristine blue and was hauled out, without his shoes. When munchies strike, there is a great 24-hour diner across the street that serves Cuban food, kinda like a Cuban Denny's. Joe and I enjoyed dirty rice, maduros, and garlicky yuca on the cab ride back to the Hovel - delicioso!

Chalking these two hotels on the To Stay list...

Ew

Sighting - hotel concierge providing small stack to portly, middle-aged techie drone. They looked like condoms. [bad mental image] I guess the only thing that would be worse would be if he were actually trying to spawn.

Techies Take O-Town

Thank God the Internet is more stable today - wireless at the Omni is pretty shite. So here I am again for another software conference. It's the usual IT-geek scene - mostly middle-age men in polos and chinos, running around with RFID badges to hear thrilling presentations on software roadmaps and integrations by day and chugging beers and passed hors d'oeuvres after the sessions wrap up. The hotel is pretty far from everything, but tonight they are bussing us to Universal Studios for a live Fear Factor performance. It should be interesting to watch software vendors and customers compete at bug eating or whatever.

Last night I got invited to a swank (for Orlando) dinner with C-level folks, both from my company and from the conference sponsor. The chardonnay got the best of me, and at the urging of the CEO et al. I ended up doing an a capella rendition of the first verse of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" (the annoying song from The Bodyguard) on the eternal bus ride back to the hotel. It brought the house down, which I guess is better than the glass windows.

In Vino Divertas

Connecting through O'Hare sucks. Luckily my friends had some bottles of wine open and invited me over on my way home. Yee ha.

Size Matters - for Bats - Who Woulda Thunk It?!

Apparently bat testicle size is inverse to brain size. This quote says it all - "Bats invest an enormous amount in testis, and the investment has to come from somewhere. There are no free lunches".

Several thoughts came to mind after I read this:

• Duh!
• Who in their right mind would measure bat testicles?!
• Aren't there more pressing research topics out there, like curing cancer or factors that matter for human evolution?

I Wish I Could Go Back to College

Just finished reading I Am Charlotte Simmons. This was a pretty accurate depiction of what happens on campus these days. Coke dates have taken on a whole new meaning, and "gentlemen" do not hold doors but they will gladly grasp onto the female body if they perceive even the slightest hint of an invitation. Some of the slang used was unfamiliar to me, but then again I have been out for over five years now. (God, am I that old now?)

In some ways I related to how Charlotte felt when I started freshman year - nervousness on taking on the mammoth challenge of a prestigious university, meeting new people - but I feel snapped out of it pretty quickly. Plus I think she was too hard on herself with Hoyt taking advantage of her. I had some experiences with guys where they acted like jerks, but it didn't cause me to fail my finals. I just commiserated with my girlfriends over a vodka-cran and sought out someone new (lather, rinse, repeat).

Karma seems to play an important role in how this book plays out. In some ways, this is unrealistic. It is all too rare that the "tools" get that kind of revenge over the BMOCs, to use an 80's phrase for lack of a better. All the bitchy girls at CU stuck together, and the athletes generally did not settle into monogamous relationships with nice gals. (Who out there remembers when a certain hockey player propositioned me frosh year for a threesome with his teammate? Just for the record, I turned them down on the spot.)

One strange thing about this book, it made me very nostalgic for college, to the point where I am seriously thinking about going back to school in some capacity. After I finished my hellacious final semester, I swore off additional graduate education. Now, I haven't decided what I would study, but part-time study sounds appealing to me right now [put crackpipe down].

My Pathetic Moral Dilemma

Having recently seen the movie Munich, I have been pondering my own moral conundrums. However, mine are not as profound as whether it is justified to kill people who planned the slaughter of my country's Olympic athletes. They are almost embarassing.

I take serious issue with the practices of some companies, such as Walmart and Starbucks. Walmart sucks the life out of their employees and the neighborhoods where they open up superstores. Starbucks makes really acidic coffee in almost every pocket of the world at the expense of every other coffee joint (of course, they are always closed at Kansas City International Airport when I need a pick-me-up). However, being on my own in Kansas City, the only thing late around here are Walmart. So one night, I went in for a couple of toiletries and ended up spending much too much money. Plus, I can't seem to stay away from the good ol' FourBucks even though it's overpriced, agita-inducing, and generic.

Do I stick to my guns and avoid these stores, or do I satisfy my craving for cheap retail and mediocre coffee?

I have too much free time to think about this stuff working here :(.

Her Cheating Mouth

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Testing my Resolve

2005 has come and gone. It seemed more accelerated towards the last few months, but I guess Purgatory made the summer seem longer than it was. At this time last year, I set a goal to lose 10 more pounds, travel to some exotic locales, and buy a tenor sax (well, at least be more cultural). Instead, I have gained about 5 pounds and ventured to such exotic locales as Vancouver, London, and Turks and Caicos, and I am still horn-less. The weight gain probably irks me the most out of all of these, although it has piled on very recently and there is more to it than pure laziness. The older I get, the more conflicted I am getting about how I look versus how I want to look. At the same time, I wonder if it all really matters in the end and if looking like a lollilop is worth the aggravation. After all, my boyfriend has not run backwards out of my apartment shrieking at the sight of my slightly expanded girth. In fact, I don't know if he really caught on to it until I told him.

This year, I still want to lose ten pounds and travel like a fiend and be cultural and all that stuff. However, maybe I'll augment my resolutions to do something positive as well, like be able to finally do unassisted pullups. I think I'll also take it easy on myself. My only travel goal for this year is to go visit my friend C during her Peace Corps stint in Morocco; anything else is a bonus. Plus, instead of getting frustrated and aggravated with the uncertainty and BS I put up with at work or in day-to-day, I am going to try to seek the adventure and hidden "Easter eggs" in life every day. This may sound a little corny, but I think it will prove to maintain my sanity better than any pharmeceutical, even in the face of heinous managers and bank fees.

Happy New Year, friends! Hope everyone got a good NYE kiss. I am off to digest the scrumtdiddlyumptous meal Jason and I stuffed down our gullet at the Capitol Grille. BTW - Dave and I agree the Delmonico with balsamic glaze was fork-licking good. Yes, I know it will not do wonders for my waistline - I start South Beach Phase 1 (again) tomorrow.

Semi-Anniversary

Jason and I have been together for six months now. We went out a few times before being more affectionate than a good-night peck on the cheek, so an actual anniversary date isn't really defined. No matter. This isn't high school where people get monogrammed mirror keychains and celebrate every month and all that crap.

This is the longest, most substantive relationship I've ever been in. It's a little scary, but at the same time, I really like Jason and am happy we have been doing so well for this long.

At the minimum, I still have no homicidal tendencies. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn't cheated, telepathically broken up with me, tried to kill me, talked smack behind my back, or otherwise pissed me off. But there's more to it. I look forward to spending time with him. He's a good kisser. We have similar views on finances and values, and we can talk about everything from books to bars. On the flip side, I think he appreciates, among other things, my lack of psychological disorders and academic issues. I think our only major difference is that, to quote Sarah Silverman, he is one of the Chosen People, and I believe Jesus is magic. I am not gushing because he is going to read this. Smooches, hun :).

So far I have been to the gym every day this week and while not hardcore SouthBeach-ing, am trying to behave. Last night I had a moment of weakness licking the bowl after making brownies for my building's super and custodians. But there is a glimmer of hope. While not quite comfortable, my favorite jeans do not feel like sausage casing anymore. Hooray for progress!

Please Put Me Down

Just finished reading Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. Although it made the NYTimes 100 Notable Books of 2005, I thought it dragged out too long. It should not take an entire chapter to describe a conversation. This is not to mention the underlying concept of the book, children who are cloned from society's outcasts solely to donate their organs.

I much preferred On Beauty by Zadie Smith, and the NYT placed this on the Top Fiction of the Year. While it overwrought some cliches on African-Americans, the familial dynamics and issues they confront in the multi-racial marriage really hit head-on. This was worth the $2.25 in overdue fees that I incurred at the Forest Hills branch for returning a 7-Day book a week late.

Thigh Anxiety

As I get older, I'm starting to hate the holidays. The materialism and over-hyped commercialism is one thing, but I am very good at getting shopping done - this year I got about 75% of it done in London. What is freaking me out is the incessant feasting, and the subsequent effects on my lower body girth. Here is the schedule so far:

Thursday: dinner at Tiro a Segno with Auntie Nancy and Uncle Michele

Friday: dinner at an Italian restaurant with Cathy and Laura

Saturday: Christmas Eve - sleep with the fishese in my stomach

Sunday: food food food at ny Aunt Judy's house

I feel my upper thighs expanding just thinking about this. Starting New Years, I think I will be going South-Beach vegan or something.

KCMO ho

I have been pleasantly surprised by Kansas City. Really, I didn't know what to expect. Granted it's a city, but it's in the middle of the Midwest, in red-state country. I wasn't sure how they would react to a Yankee like me. It's actually been a lot of fun these past few days. Almost won a hundred bucks playing Hold 'Em until I lost my chips after rebuy passed going all in and getting beat by a higher pair.

Things I like about Kansas City so far:

• co-workers are really nice and fun to hang out with
• more frequent flier miles
• Culver's ButterBurgers
• Diet Cherry Limeade at Sonic - they advertise in New York but there are none north of the Mason-Dixon line. I went back at 10:30 to get another one, although I may not be able to finish it
• barbecue - Jack Stack's baked beans especially kicked ass
• the Plaza buildings decorated with lights look like gingerbread houses - tres cute

Things that piss me off:

• driving to work - there will be no transit strike here because there is no transit
• 6:30am flights on Friday mornings - OUCH!
• 1 hour time difference is really throwing me off with meetings
• not being in the Big Room back in DC to browbeat my coworkers on recycling soda bottles instead of playing trash basketball with them
• missing the account Christmas party in Washington and my department's Christmas party back home

Crusade for Christmas anyone?

This whole "Take Back Christmas movement" is very odd, almost farcical. I'm somewhat torn about the whole debate - while I like to be inclusive to non-Christians or those that don't celebrate Christmas, there's nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah (however the f you spell it) or Kwanzaa or the Winter Solstice or Festivus or the New Year or any holiday in general. When did everyone get so sensitive about wishing someone a good holiday by its name? Holidays are good things. They make people happy, and they usually mean time off from work. We should encourage people to be festive, and we shouldn't be ashamed to say "Merry Christmas", "Happy New Year", "Good Festivus", etc.

On the flipside, why are people wasting time and money suing and threatening lawsuits and all this junk? Doesn't anyone have better use of their time, say for fighting hunger or doing things that would really make Jesus proud? There was a great editorial in the NYTimes about this over the weekend. Too bad you have to pay to read it now...

Somebodies vs. Nobodies

I got a copy of Somebodies and Nobodies free from BookCrossing. While it has some good ideas and I related to some of the personal anecdotes, it's about 50 or 75 pages too long and gets a bit repetitive. Moreover, I doubt people with power will have an epiphany and stop treating their underlings like sh*t; it's too much fun sometimes to watch people suffer. I would bet money that employee satisfaction would go up if every senior manager in my company read it and actually took some of the ideas to heart.

Speaking of books, Reprint Bookstore in DC is closing after fifty years. Damn shame, since everything else in L'Enfant Plaza, including 70% of the lunch options near my office, are shutting down as well to make way for a children's museum. However, the entire inventory is marked down at least 20%, and sales are fun :).

Just Read - The Devil Wears Prada

Yes I know I'm a bit behind in trendy reading. Just found this used at The Strand (that place can induce vertigo) and thought I would support a fellow Cornell alumna. It's a cute, fast read altogether, and I definitely sympathize with boss-from-hell trauma. Apparently IMDB is listing a 2006 movie release. There are so many reviewers out there who I'm sure would love to see Lauren Weisberger stripped down in the town square to Fruit of the Loom skivvies (how hoi polloi!), but hey, if people treat their charges like crap, it's only karmic to have it come back to haunt them. The only thing that puzzled me was Andrea's lack of fashion interest. It seems every female at Cornell with any decent social network was hyper-aware of being uber-fashionable, especially since it was almost de rigeur for entrance into certain top-notch sororities.

Maybe I should write a roman a clef about my job...but is anyone out there interested in the soap opera that is Big 4 consulting?

Triptophan

Thanksgiving has come and gone, down my throat. No matter how hard I try, I always end up eating too much, particularly with dessert. I feel my hips expanding even more. If I keep this up, my favorite jeans will fit on one leg.

Things I am thankful for:

• my family is not Jerry-Springer material
• even though my job pisses me off more often than not, it pays my mortgage and funds my travel habit
• I have been dating Jason for just about five months and have no desire to strangle him
• an addiction to books is better - and cheaper - than cocaine
• my cable modem in my apartment does not need to be reset every 15 minutes so I can have the (virtual) world is an oyster on the half shell at my fingertips.
  

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

Another Song I Never Expected to Hear at a Wedding

Start the Commotion - as the first dance. Which, truth be told, was different and fun!

Congrats Mike and Lisa!

Songs I Never Expected to Hear at a Wedding

(All not necessarily from only one wedding)
Oh What a Night
Hollaback Girl
Strokin'
The 1984 Olympic Theme
that Pussycat Dolls song
Pour Some Sugar on Me
Mustang Sally

Congrats Michele and Adam!

Delta Shuttle Celeb Sighting

I could have sworn Kathie Lee Gifford was in the row diagonally ahead of me this morning. Was very tempted to ask her how the Central American sweatshops are this time of year, but decided just to smile and admire the Dana Buchman coat and the Chanel tote she was carrying. I'm not in a snarky mood this morning.

Delta Shuttle Sighting

Senators Schumer, Lautenburg, a couple others I didn't recognize, and their respective entourages, had the first two rows reserved just for them. So much for "no assigned seating." I like sitting in the second row so I can stow my bag under my seat and still jet off the plane first. Chuckie spent almost all of our one-hour tarmac delay yakking into his cell phone. (Can't there ever be an on-time flight to LGA?!?!) In-flight, I believe I overheard some tidbits on his take of the Miers nomination. Yada yada yada... I thought he was really cool and down-to-earth when he said "Oh you can come in my car and so-and-so can go in Frank's, no need to get cabs," until I saw their town cars, complete with drivers, waiting for them outside Marine Air Terminal. Senator Lautenberg's license plate is New Jersey "US SEN". How cute.

This Could Only Happen to Me

My friend Jason got married last night - another one bites the dust. The bride walked down the aisle to a harpist playing "Con Te Partiro" by Andrea Bocelli, which I love. In fact, I think I may have even told her the title. It was interesting to see some friends all spiffy and dressed up in tuxes and bowties. The food was good, for kosher cuisine. (Thank God my boyfriend eats trafe :) )

Of course, to top off the evening, the bouquet hit me. In the face and shoulder. Nevertheless, I persevered in not catching it, and it flew over my shoulder to a bridesmaid standing behind me. Apparently there are great pictures from the photographer of me getting beaned.

Pictures are available if you click the title.

Oh Crappy Day!

Today could not have sucked anymore. My cold got worse overnight, and spending time with Jason cut into my beauty sleep (not that I'm complaining about that part). Then on the way to the Marine Air Terminal, I forgot a bunch of stuff at my apartment, but I figured, no big deal, they will let me take the next Shuttle flight. I have status, and my company always gets changeable fares, right? Wrong! The Delta staff were bitchy and unwilling to assist me get on the next shuttle flight, which was an hour later. I don't know why they are so unaccomodating when they are in danger of losing their job. Since they took up so much time arguing with me, I had to gate check my suitcase because every friggin wannabe-wonker en route to DC always has to put their small items in the overhead instead of stowing them under their seat. The middle seat was not fun either, and my ears still have not popped since take-off. The CVS nearest my client site doesn't have a pharmacy. When I stopped at the other CVS 10 minutes away to get one of the prescriptions refilled that I left at home, it took 20 minutes to be assisted. Of course, my insurance company had to deny the refill on the first pass, so I had to wait in the store to request a vacation override.

ARGH!!! Need chocolate. Damn South Beach induction phase. Only a Chipotle Burrito Bol will comfort me.

Hail to the C/Thief

Over the next few weeks, I am being sent to DC by my company to work for a federal agency. Woo woo. For each trip on the Delta shuttle, I get 1500 SkyMiles. I am salivating over this MQM boost, not to mention that I am now free from the Project from Purgatory. The only thing that is going to suck is the 7:30am start time.

Off The Wagon

Today is not a low-carb day. I need egg and cheese on a roll to sustain me through the day, after working until midnight last night. ARGH

5-Year Reunion

I can't believe I've been out of college for five years. Reunion was a blast though. After arriving in the wee hours on Friday morning with Mike and Lisa keeping me company, I have spent the weekend sweating my ass off in Dickson, running around campus to see the new buildings, checking out people who have gained weight since college (schadenfreude), and pretending I am still a student by going back to all my old haunts in Collegetown.

At the beer tents on Friday night, I caught some old guy checking me out. Turns out, he was only trying to read my button because he used to work with my late Uncle Joe. That was totally cosmic. He writes to the Times a lot, so I'm looking forward to seeing his letters.

I ended up spending some time with a guy I went out with a couple years ago, courtesy of the matchmaking efforts of my friend Mike. He invited me over on the way home for a bbq at his folks' house. It was a nice end to the weekend.

My friend Kim has her pictures here. I will put mine up soon.

Numb-er Living Through Chemistry

This whole situation with JCS has been completely unbearable. Luckily my doctor has a short-term fix. I feel, apologies to Pink Floyd, uncomfortably numb. Nothing phases me anymore, I just don't care. Is this considered normal behavior?!

Palm Be-ach

Spent the weekend in Florida, which was much needed after last week's work craziness. Nothing like lots of carbs and wine, driving everywhere, bickering with my 'rents, and poolside sun to get me nice and relaxed...

...until I have to go back to work. ARGH

I am really unhappy with Song airlines right now. My Delta silver status did not get me priority boarding, despite the sign at the end of the boarding queue. The Delta "service assurance" representative told me that Song is a separate company. Right, that's why you're checking me in and the boarding pass says "Operated by Delta Airlines". Cow. By the time I got on the plane, they had to put my carry-on 20 rows behind me because every selfish person on board took up valuable space with their small bags in the overhead. I will have fun later on the phone with Delta's customer service representative. It is fun to pull rank every once in a while.

HFStival

My friend John invited me to go to the HFStival with him. I had a great time. Totally went off South Beach this weekend. I really enjoyed the day. We were in the "bowl" during Good Charlotte, which was my first and hopefully last experience with crowd surfers. My neck is sore from ducking errant feet and limbs. John's glasses got stepped on at one point. Billy Idol's face is pulled too tight, but his body is really amazing, especially for an old geezer that did tons of drugs in the Eighties. They forced everyone to leave the stadium right before Coldplay because of lightning - guess they are paranoid of another electrocution per the Tibet Freedom Festival. Coldplay was worth the wait, although it was funny watching Chris Martin hump the piano. I felt like I was watching some weird fetish porn or something. Foo Fighters of course was my fave.

Waffle House at midnight rocks. I wish they had them up here.

Reminder that I'm not getting any

Maybe I spoke too soon. One of my neighbors (probably not the couple with two kids next door) let out a series of orgasmic shrieks last night at around midnight. I don't think she was lifting weights. Ho hum...

This morning on my way to work, the guy next to me on the E train (who was total 80's redux with the jogging pants and the Jerri-curled hair tied back in a small braid in the back) kept using my thigh as an armrest. I had to restrain myself from bitchslapping him. Glaring and squirming didn't work, so I finally tapped him on my shoulder and pointed out that his elbow was on my leg. Ugh...

Safety Last

Some things I hate about living alone in an apartment:

• I have found four bugs so far, one dead. Two of them had thousands of legs and took up residence in my bathtub. My bathroom is not a bug spa.
  
• My neighbors make a lot of noise, between the kids watching Saturday morning cartoons or their parents having late-night conversations in some south Asian dialect. At least they do not have loud sex.
  
• This weekend I grilled a rib-eye on my stove. My apartment still smells like well-done meat.
  
• Speaking of the stove, my pilot lights constantly go out. I live in fear of being gassed in my sleep.
  
• I cannot shower in peace. Tonight, towards the tail end of my post-workout bath, after I'm all nice and relaxed, the smoke alarm went off. My water doesn't even get that hot. So there I was, dripping on my duvet, towel falling off, trying to yank out the battery without getting electrocuted. It took me 10 minutes to get the battery out. My neighbors probably hate me; I know my dad is sick of me calling with all my problems, especially late at night. I had to punch the alarm so that it wouldn't deafen me. Now I need a new smoke alarm.
  

Gah...

ARGH

Very irritated at this point in time. My feet and decolletage are peeling, and my skin has broken out from all the cocoa butter goo I have been slathering on to keep my skin bronzed and supple. Then Jesus Christ Superstar showed up today. Even though I am highly against better living through pharmeceuticals, I think this situation calls for high doses of Xanax. Damn, this summer is gonna suck.

I need a hug, preferably from a hottie with good arms.

Back to the grind...

My vacations was a success! Besides getting to the airport three hours early to compensate for our 100-meter dash to the gate last week, I have a great tan and managed to finish two books and get through most of a third:
The Godfather Returns: Very similar to Mario Puzo's style - easy prose, the usual sex, murder, and good food. No surprise, lots of people get whacked. It's interesting how they make Fredo out to be a finocchio and give Michael a rebellious, family-loathing side.
Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals: I enjoyed reading this on vacation. It evokes some schadenfreude, especially when reading about other people's issues in foreign countries while stressing over whether to sit by the beach or the pool. I don't think I would ever date a convict in a Colombian jail, but that's just me.
The Russian Debutante's Handbook: Very cute. It reminds me of Jonathan Cranzen's The Corrections with respect to the cliches used and the funny business in the former Soviet bloc (although Shteyngart mocks Prague with his phony Prava, Stolovan Republic instead of setting the story in a real city). I enjoyed the peppering of conversation with Russian and the references to locations in New York.

Now, it's back to Reality. Man, I should have taken a couple days off this week after I got back. I am still in Island Mode anyway. Introduced myself to a co-worker I had already met because I didn't recognize him in a suit (although the Island Mode excuse worked well). The client inbox had about 300,000 emails to sift through, most of which ended up in the Recycle Bin. I did get some satisfaction from my tan matching my khaki pants on my first day back.

There is some random guy with really bad posture whom I caught staring directly at my chest - twice! Did he not see me glaring at him when I noticed it the first time? Question to all you men out there - do you REALLY think we are oblivious to this, and that we appreciate it?

Socks on the beach

Provo has been great so far. Did some snorkelling, managed to avoid coral stings and barracuda bites. Lots of beachcombing, sitting around doing nothing, just relaxing. Our biggest decisions are whether to sit by the beach or the pool, whether to sneak into the posh condo resort next door and use their beach chairs and umbrellas, and which of the overpriced local joints to have a meal. So far my favorite is the Tiki Hut, which used to be the Third Turtle Inn when I was here 15+ years ago.
I have been very religious with sunscreen, reapplying my SPF 15 regularly. Especially since on Wednesday I managed to get a patchwork sunburn due poor reapplication, and it was particularly annoying on the tops of my feet. I looked like a defective spumoni ice cream - vanilla chocolate and strawberry swirled together. On Thursday I wore socks poolside, it was so unbearable. My cousin took a picture, but I will not post it.

Paradise found

Yes, I have been really slacking in posting. No, this will not change any time soon. I am in Providenciales, Turks and Caicos, British West Indies (i.e., the Caribbean). No cell phone, no laptop. Nya nya...

Larry Flynt's - Deep Thoughts

You may think it slightly lecherous that I actually set foot in The Hustler Club, but it was free and I was helping a co-worker celebrate his bachelor party before he heads back to Hyderabad to get hitched. So there...

My new best friend and I made some interesting observations while mammaries jiggled and poles were ground:

• I am at least two cup sizes bigger than the employees, on average.
• The workers really enjoyed my company and were more than happy to oblige.
• People outside of major metropolitan areas have minimal to no gaydar. (Baltimore is not a bustling metropolis.)
• Lapdances should be conducted differently for men and women. It does nothing for me to have someone bounce up and down on my thighs, most likely because I am not equipped for this type of movement to excite me.

Bring on the crabcakes (again)

Back in Bal'more to help out my client from last year with some software upgrade and testing issues. Yee ha. I am all by myself this week, but next week the partner is coming. I hope he is happy with my work. Also hope I am not stuck in my hotel room watching Law and Order re-runs ad nauseum.

Next week I'll be at the Hyatt Regency Baltimore, cashing in my free Regency Club Upgrade certificate (yeay Platinum status!)

Any recommendations for good restaurants/bars?

Happy New Year!

Wow, I can't believe I've had this blog for a year. Thanks to my last trip to Vegas, as well as all the other travelling I've done this year, I hit silver status on Delta for the third year in a row - yeay! Here are my resolutions for this year:

• Lose at least 10 pounds - yadda yadda, everyone wants to do this


• Do something cultural or artsy at least once a month, trying to save up some money to buy a tenor sax. (If anyone has a horn that needs a home, let me know!)


• Travel to Morocco to visit Cybele, Eastern Europe and Thailand.

Speaking of Thailand, please please please support one of these charities, whether it's with time, money, or goods, to help the victims of the tsunami:
International aid organizations:
UNICEF (United Nations Children's Fund)
United Nations' World Food Programme
Medecins Sans Frontieres / Doctors without Borders (donate!)
CARE International
The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies

UK/Europe:
Disasters Emergency Comittee (DEC) - comprises a raft of aid agencies, including the below and others
British Red Cross
Save the Children UK

North America:
American Red Cross
Canadian Red Cross
Save The Children

Anders Jacobsen: Webloggers: Give to tsunami victims and I'll give too! - this is my friend Anders' fundraising effort.

I'm planning on calling the Red Cross in New York to see if there are any local activities to support the relief effort. Volunteering after 9/11 was very fulfilling for me, and I hope I can do something to help the survivors stay healthy and get back on their feet. Also, since I have umpteen million Delta SkyMiles, I plan on donating some to the relief effort as well. It's not only about money, people. Yes, cash is needed, but every little bit helps.

Waiting to Inhale

Getting sick in Vegas really sucks, especially right before the red-eye flight home. My ears still haven't popped. My doctor tells me I have asthmatic bronchitis. Ouch.

Time to pass out, right after I huff on some Albuterol.

Grand Canyon

Roadwork in Nevada and lack of signage made the beginning of our trek from Las Vegas Airport to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon very tricky. The Hoover Dam was interesting, but we made a very short stop due to construction and checkpoints holding up the works. A whole lot of concrete was poured over there. To reward ourselves for finding the way eventually, we had a pig-out at Carl's Jr. Bacon guacamole Angus cheeseburgers, criss-cut fries, and Butterfinger cheesecake make everything better, but my thighs are going to be huge tomorrow.

The drive through Arizona heading north from Flagstaff at night was really spooky. A cop got in front of us and decided to stop short at one point, just to mess with us. It doesn't help put us at ease that there is no cellphone service out here.

Who knew that the weather would be so crappy out here? Everyone thinks that Arizona is hot and arid, yet it has been clammy and rainy for our whole trip. However, the temperature was better suited for our 8-mile hike, 5 miles around the rim, and then a 1.5-mile trek down into the Canyon on the Bright Angel trail, and back up. Plus, at the end of our hike we saw a rainbow. It is much harder than it looks to climb back up. The hotel hot tub was in order.

This morning, since the weather was rainy again, we decided to skip our early rafting trip, which would have involved driving at the butt-crack of dawn over to Lake Mead. Instead, we went horseback riding in the Kaibab National Forest. My horse Roni kept trying to eat pine trees and plants along the way, and kept farting. It was good fun, although not as scenic.

Goodbye PAC

Today was my last day on my current project. This assignment really rocked. The people are so smart and friendly too. Most likely, I will never have another assignment quite like this and everything else will seem anti-climactic.

Originally I was supposed to finish last week, but they needed my data entry skills.

Next week - Grand Canyon and Las Vegas!

yawn

Nothing exciting going on. Here's a snapshot in the week of a life:

Monday: Work, gym
Tuesday: Work
Wednesday: Work, gym
Thursday: Work, happy hour
Friday: Work, hang out with friends
Saturday: Work out, nap, go out with friends, crash at someone else's place
Sunday: Wake up, go home, putter around, read the NYTimes, watch original series on HBO or Showtime

bla...

Work work work

This is looking like a long summer. No vacation for me. My cousin and I are supposed to go to the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas in October. Counting down!!!

J is still just, well, there. Not sure if there is any boyfriend potential. I guess my pattern of dating one guy a year and then dating dry spell is holding. Ho hum...

Happy 229th Birthday, USA!

What a weekend! Stomach was totally on the brink after my birthday party. I love Delta's policy of changing shuttle tickets for free for Medallion members. Latease's wedding in Boston was beautiful. Silly me, I was in such a hurry to be on time for the wedding that I forgot to pay the cabbie on the way to the church. Luckily I arranged for him to pick me up after the ceremony. He was a nice Moroccan guy; I guess talking about my trip to Oman made him trust me.

Christina's annual 4th bash was a lot of fun on the beach. Unfortunately, one of my friend's attempt to set me up with her fiance's best friend was a miserable crash-and-burn. The guy barely said "hello" to me when we were introduced. Whatever, loser, I'm a catch...

After Christina's gig, went to J's house for more barbeque action. It was interesting, to say the least. Not sure about him, but I guess time will tell. Anyone is better than Ross at this point.

The Big 2-5

Wow, my birthday just came and went - June 29th is the actual day. I guess now everyone will start trying harder to marry me off. Ho hum...

At least the party last night was fun. Picture this, Egyptian hookah bar in the East Village, 20 of my friends seated on floor cushions around low tables, two flavors of tobacco - Ali Baba and Canteloupe, fruit shakes whose name sounds like something Arab porn stars utter while in action (say fakh'fakhina five times fast), and me belly dancing on a chair in a fez. Don't believe me? Check out the pictures.

Now I just have to scrape myself out of bed to make the Delta shuttle to Boston for Latease's wedding. UGH!

"25 years of my life and still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination..." Bonus points to whoever names the band that sang this.

Congrats Becki and Jeremy!

Two of my college friends got married in Millerton, NY. It was very nice and low-key. I got to see a bunch of my sorority sisters; it seems that we have a mini-reunion every year at someone's wedding. Just like being at a crush party except you have to bring a gift.

Since we have friends in nearby Sharon, CT, my folks hung out with them for the day. My father actually went with them to see "Fahrenheit 9/11", of which all he had to say was that it's "liberal propaganda". For dinner, we went to the West Main Cafe for dinner. YOWZA! Fantastic, creative food - loved loved loved it. Monica and Jerry had their wedding there almost two years ago, and it was fantastic then.

Go figure

I'm not single for 24 hours and I meet another guy. Let's call him J. We didn't meet under the best circumstances - I'm rebounding, and ended up getting really drunk because he kept buying me drinks. I'm hesitant to get involved with anyone so soon, especially after all the crap I put with while with Ross. Time will tell, I guess...

Good riddance

Ross and I broke up. About time. That is all I have to say...

Favorite Restaurants in Midtown Manhattan

There is hope yet for the neighborhood that really has no name. Yes, it's touristy because of the Empire State Building and Macy's, but so far I have managed to avoid the out-of-town hordes. Here are the PAC Project's favorite lunch spots:

• Minado for important milestone lunches


• Grand Szechuan for roll-on or roll-of lunches, it's a hike but the xiao long bao rock


• Chipotle for both take-out or eat-in, it's worth the schlep to 8th Ave


• Chennai Garden or Dimple for curry if you're not in a hurry


• Blue Smoke for the carnivores

My new fave is Bonobo's. Yes, raw vegan cuisine sounds scary and paradoxical, but the gazpacho kicks @ss and the napa cabbage sandwiches satisfy without putting you into a food coma. So far, no one will come with me, but I still love it to death!

My new (sort of) car!

Just as luck would have it, I found another VW Cabrio. This one is a 2002, silver with gray leather interior. Slightly more mileage and wear-and-tear than Filomena, but I still love it. Got a good price too. Bayside Volkswagen's credit and sales departments are a little shady, but I bitched enough to get them to straighten up. I think I will christen it Adele, after my maternal grandmother :).