Tuesday, June 17, 2014

FInding the Wave

> You are lost.

The past few months have felt as if I'm stuck in one of those MS-DOS-era computer games, where no matter where you go you don't get very far.  After the stress of closing, TT and I attempted to repair our relationship while painting my new place - his Christmas gift to me.  It was a nice gesture that started off great but soon devolved into our complete breakup.  I ended up scrambling to find a painter, scouring Houzz for paint color inspiration, and hiring a contractor for a two-week job that dragged out over almost three months.  It's been challenging to juggle work, renovations, eating, sleeping, and having a semblance of a life.  That plus the horrendous winter that wouldn't go away and feeling meh meant that I have not been working out as much or eating as well as I should.  It has been a struggle to motivate, even though I have registered for races and surprisingly pulled out some good numbers relative to past performance. Sometimes I imagine how well I could have done if I had hit training harder, but it is what it is. While some people struggle to get out of bed, I have found it difficult to do more than veg in front of the TV until I pass out in the evening, contact lenses desiccating against my eyeballs in the morning.  

It seems now, two weeks before I hit a milestone birthday, things are turning a corner.  Renovation is complete, furniture is arriving (and breaking and getting repaired), and the bedroom, guestroom with small bathroom, and kitchen are open for business.  Finally I have peace and quiet, besides the sound of the 1920's elevator.  In May I completed the New York Cycle Club C SIG, which was a big achievement for me.  There have been some other things going on that have been rough (not sharing), but I'm doing my best to provide others the support they need to move through it.  There are so many things for which I feel grateful, and even though it feels like something is missing without a lover and companion, I'm doing my best to make the best out of my newfound freedom and enjoy experiences.  My philosophy has been evolving, in that I'm trying to treat life like waiting for a good wave and riding it out when it hits.  

Which reminds me, I am due for another surfing lesson......