Safety Last

Some things I hate about living alone in an apartment:

• I have found four bugs so far, one dead. Two of them had thousands of legs and took up residence in my bathtub. My bathroom is not a bug spa.
  
• My neighbors make a lot of noise, between the kids watching Saturday morning cartoons or their parents having late-night conversations in some south Asian dialect. At least they do not have loud sex.
  
• This weekend I grilled a rib-eye on my stove. My apartment still smells like well-done meat.
  
• Speaking of the stove, my pilot lights constantly go out. I live in fear of being gassed in my sleep.
  
• I cannot shower in peace. Tonight, towards the tail end of my post-workout bath, after I'm all nice and relaxed, the smoke alarm went off. My water doesn't even get that hot. So there I was, dripping on my duvet, towel falling off, trying to yank out the battery without getting electrocuted. It took me 10 minutes to get the battery out. My neighbors probably hate me; I know my dad is sick of me calling with all my problems, especially late at night. I had to punch the alarm so that it wouldn't deafen me. Now I need a new smoke alarm.
  

Gah...