Semi-Anniversary

Jason and I have been together for six months now. We went out a few times before being more affectionate than a good-night peck on the cheek, so an actual anniversary date isn't really defined. No matter. This isn't high school where people get monogrammed mirror keychains and celebrate every month and all that crap.

This is the longest, most substantive relationship I've ever been in. It's a little scary, but at the same time, I really like Jason and am happy we have been doing so well for this long.

At the minimum, I still have no homicidal tendencies. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn't cheated, telepathically broken up with me, tried to kill me, talked smack behind my back, or otherwise pissed me off. But there's more to it. I look forward to spending time with him. He's a good kisser. We have similar views on finances and values, and we can talk about everything from books to bars. On the flip side, I think he appreciates, among other things, my lack of psychological disorders and academic issues. I think our only major difference is that, to quote Sarah Silverman, he is one of the Chosen People, and I believe Jesus is magic. I am not gushing because he is going to read this. Smooches, hun :).

So far I have been to the gym every day this week and while not hardcore SouthBeach-ing, am trying to behave. Last night I had a moment of weakness licking the bowl after making brownies for my building's super and custodians. But there is a glimmer of hope. While not quite comfortable, my favorite jeans do not feel like sausage casing anymore. Hooray for progress!

Please Put Me Down

Just finished reading Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. Although it made the NYTimes 100 Notable Books of 2005, I thought it dragged out too long. It should not take an entire chapter to describe a conversation. This is not to mention the underlying concept of the book, children who are cloned from society's outcasts solely to donate their organs.

I much preferred On Beauty by Zadie Smith, and the NYT placed this on the Top Fiction of the Year. While it overwrought some cliches on African-Americans, the familial dynamics and issues they confront in the multi-racial marriage really hit head-on. This was worth the $2.25 in overdue fees that I incurred at the Forest Hills branch for returning a 7-Day book a week late.

Thigh Anxiety

As I get older, I'm starting to hate the holidays. The materialism and over-hyped commercialism is one thing, but I am very good at getting shopping done - this year I got about 75% of it done in London. What is freaking me out is the incessant feasting, and the subsequent effects on my lower body girth. Here is the schedule so far:

Thursday: dinner at Tiro a Segno with Auntie Nancy and Uncle Michele

Friday: dinner at an Italian restaurant with Cathy and Laura

Saturday: Christmas Eve - sleep with the fishese in my stomach

Sunday: food food food at ny Aunt Judy's house

I feel my upper thighs expanding just thinking about this. Starting New Years, I think I will be going South-Beach vegan or something.

KCMO ho

I have been pleasantly surprised by Kansas City. Really, I didn't know what to expect. Granted it's a city, but it's in the middle of the Midwest, in red-state country. I wasn't sure how they would react to a Yankee like me. It's actually been a lot of fun these past few days. Almost won a hundred bucks playing Hold 'Em until I lost my chips after rebuy passed going all in and getting beat by a higher pair.

Things I like about Kansas City so far:

• co-workers are really nice and fun to hang out with
• more frequent flier miles
• Culver's ButterBurgers
• Diet Cherry Limeade at Sonic - they advertise in New York but there are none north of the Mason-Dixon line. I went back at 10:30 to get another one, although I may not be able to finish it
• barbecue - Jack Stack's baked beans especially kicked ass
• the Plaza buildings decorated with lights look like gingerbread houses - tres cute

Things that piss me off:

• driving to work - there will be no transit strike here because there is no transit
• 6:30am flights on Friday mornings - OUCH!
• 1 hour time difference is really throwing me off with meetings
• not being in the Big Room back in DC to browbeat my coworkers on recycling soda bottles instead of playing trash basketball with them
• missing the account Christmas party in Washington and my department's Christmas party back home

Crusade for Christmas anyone?

This whole "Take Back Christmas movement" is very odd, almost farcical. I'm somewhat torn about the whole debate - while I like to be inclusive to non-Christians or those that don't celebrate Christmas, there's nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah (however the f you spell it) or Kwanzaa or the Winter Solstice or Festivus or the New Year or any holiday in general. When did everyone get so sensitive about wishing someone a good holiday by its name? Holidays are good things. They make people happy, and they usually mean time off from work. We should encourage people to be festive, and we shouldn't be ashamed to say "Merry Christmas", "Happy New Year", "Good Festivus", etc.

On the flipside, why are people wasting time and money suing and threatening lawsuits and all this junk? Doesn't anyone have better use of their time, say for fighting hunger or doing things that would really make Jesus proud? There was a great editorial in the NYTimes about this over the weekend. Too bad you have to pay to read it now...

Somebodies vs. Nobodies

I got a copy of Somebodies and Nobodies free from BookCrossing. While it has some good ideas and I related to some of the personal anecdotes, it's about 50 or 75 pages too long and gets a bit repetitive. Moreover, I doubt people with power will have an epiphany and stop treating their underlings like sh*t; it's too much fun sometimes to watch people suffer. I would bet money that employee satisfaction would go up if every senior manager in my company read it and actually took some of the ideas to heart.

Speaking of books, Reprint Bookstore in DC is closing after fifty years. Damn shame, since everything else in L'Enfant Plaza, including 70% of the lunch options near my office, are shutting down as well to make way for a children's museum. However, the entire inventory is marked down at least 20%, and sales are fun :).

Just Read - The Devil Wears Prada

Yes I know I'm a bit behind in trendy reading. Just found this used at The Strand (that place can induce vertigo) and thought I would support a fellow Cornell alumna. It's a cute, fast read altogether, and I definitely sympathize with boss-from-hell trauma. Apparently IMDB is listing a 2006 movie release. There are so many reviewers out there who I'm sure would love to see Lauren Weisberger stripped down in the town square to Fruit of the Loom skivvies (how hoi polloi!), but hey, if people treat their charges like crap, it's only karmic to have it come back to haunt them. The only thing that puzzled me was Andrea's lack of fashion interest. It seems every female at Cornell with any decent social network was hyper-aware of being uber-fashionable, especially since it was almost de rigeur for entrance into certain top-notch sororities.

Maybe I should write a roman a clef about my job...but is anyone out there interested in the soap opera that is Big 4 consulting?

Triptophan

Thanksgiving has come and gone, down my throat. No matter how hard I try, I always end up eating too much, particularly with dessert. I feel my hips expanding even more. If I keep this up, my favorite jeans will fit on one leg.

Things I am thankful for:

• my family is not Jerry-Springer material
• even though my job pisses me off more often than not, it pays my mortgage and funds my travel habit
• I have been dating Jason for just about five months and have no desire to strangle him
• an addiction to books is better - and cheaper - than cocaine
• my cable modem in my apartment does not need to be reset every 15 minutes so I can have the (virtual) world is an oyster on the half shell at my fingertips.
  

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

Another Song I Never Expected to Hear at a Wedding

Start the Commotion - as the first dance. Which, truth be told, was different and fun!

Congrats Mike and Lisa!

Songs I Never Expected to Hear at a Wedding

(All not necessarily from only one wedding)
Oh What a Night
Hollaback Girl
Strokin'
The 1984 Olympic Theme
that Pussycat Dolls song
Pour Some Sugar on Me
Mustang Sally

Congrats Michele and Adam!

Delta Shuttle Celeb Sighting

I could have sworn Kathie Lee Gifford was in the row diagonally ahead of me this morning. Was very tempted to ask her how the Central American sweatshops are this time of year, but decided just to smile and admire the Dana Buchman coat and the Chanel tote she was carrying. I'm not in a snarky mood this morning.

Delta Shuttle Sighting

Senators Schumer, Lautenburg, a couple others I didn't recognize, and their respective entourages, had the first two rows reserved just for them. So much for "no assigned seating." I like sitting in the second row so I can stow my bag under my seat and still jet off the plane first. Chuckie spent almost all of our one-hour tarmac delay yakking into his cell phone. (Can't there ever be an on-time flight to LGA?!?!) In-flight, I believe I overheard some tidbits on his take of the Miers nomination. Yada yada yada... I thought he was really cool and down-to-earth when he said "Oh you can come in my car and so-and-so can go in Frank's, no need to get cabs," until I saw their town cars, complete with drivers, waiting for them outside Marine Air Terminal. Senator Lautenberg's license plate is New Jersey "US SEN". How cute.

This Could Only Happen to Me

My friend Jason got married last night - another one bites the dust. The bride walked down the aisle to a harpist playing "Con Te Partiro" by Andrea Bocelli, which I love. In fact, I think I may have even told her the title. It was interesting to see some friends all spiffy and dressed up in tuxes and bowties. The food was good, for kosher cuisine. (Thank God my boyfriend eats trafe :) )

Of course, to top off the evening, the bouquet hit me. In the face and shoulder. Nevertheless, I persevered in not catching it, and it flew over my shoulder to a bridesmaid standing behind me. Apparently there are great pictures from the photographer of me getting beaned.

Pictures are available if you click the title.

Oh Crappy Day!

Today could not have sucked anymore. My cold got worse overnight, and spending time with Jason cut into my beauty sleep (not that I'm complaining about that part). Then on the way to the Marine Air Terminal, I forgot a bunch of stuff at my apartment, but I figured, no big deal, they will let me take the next Shuttle flight. I have status, and my company always gets changeable fares, right? Wrong! The Delta staff were bitchy and unwilling to assist me get on the next shuttle flight, which was an hour later. I don't know why they are so unaccomodating when they are in danger of losing their job. Since they took up so much time arguing with me, I had to gate check my suitcase because every friggin wannabe-wonker en route to DC always has to put their small items in the overhead instead of stowing them under their seat. The middle seat was not fun either, and my ears still have not popped since take-off. The CVS nearest my client site doesn't have a pharmacy. When I stopped at the other CVS 10 minutes away to get one of the prescriptions refilled that I left at home, it took 20 minutes to be assisted. Of course, my insurance company had to deny the refill on the first pass, so I had to wait in the store to request a vacation override.

ARGH!!! Need chocolate. Damn South Beach induction phase. Only a Chipotle Burrito Bol will comfort me.

Hail to the C/Thief

Over the next few weeks, I am being sent to DC by my company to work for a federal agency. Woo woo. For each trip on the Delta shuttle, I get 1500 SkyMiles. I am salivating over this MQM boost, not to mention that I am now free from the Project from Purgatory. The only thing that is going to suck is the 7:30am start time.

Off The Wagon

Today is not a low-carb day. I need egg and cheese on a roll to sustain me through the day, after working until midnight last night. ARGH

5-Year Reunion

I can't believe I've been out of college for five years. Reunion was a blast though. After arriving in the wee hours on Friday morning with Mike and Lisa keeping me company, I have spent the weekend sweating my ass off in Dickson, running around campus to see the new buildings, checking out people who have gained weight since college (schadenfreude), and pretending I am still a student by going back to all my old haunts in Collegetown.

At the beer tents on Friday night, I caught some old guy checking me out. Turns out, he was only trying to read my button because he used to work with my late Uncle Joe. That was totally cosmic. He writes to the Times a lot, so I'm looking forward to seeing his letters.

I ended up spending some time with a guy I went out with a couple years ago, courtesy of the matchmaking efforts of my friend Mike. He invited me over on the way home for a bbq at his folks' house. It was a nice end to the weekend.

My friend Kim has her pictures here. I will put mine up soon.

Numb-er Living Through Chemistry

This whole situation with JCS has been completely unbearable. Luckily my doctor has a short-term fix. I feel, apologies to Pink Floyd, uncomfortably numb. Nothing phases me anymore, I just don't care. Is this considered normal behavior?!

Palm Be-ach

Spent the weekend in Florida, which was much needed after last week's work craziness. Nothing like lots of carbs and wine, driving everywhere, bickering with my 'rents, and poolside sun to get me nice and relaxed...

...until I have to go back to work. ARGH

I am really unhappy with Song airlines right now. My Delta silver status did not get me priority boarding, despite the sign at the end of the boarding queue. The Delta "service assurance" representative told me that Song is a separate company. Right, that's why you're checking me in and the boarding pass says "Operated by Delta Airlines". Cow. By the time I got on the plane, they had to put my carry-on 20 rows behind me because every selfish person on board took up valuable space with their small bags in the overhead. I will have fun later on the phone with Delta's customer service representative. It is fun to pull rank every once in a while.

HFStival

My friend John invited me to go to the HFStival with him. I had a great time. Totally went off South Beach this weekend. I really enjoyed the day. We were in the "bowl" during Good Charlotte, which was my first and hopefully last experience with crowd surfers. My neck is sore from ducking errant feet and limbs. John's glasses got stepped on at one point. Billy Idol's face is pulled too tight, but his body is really amazing, especially for an old geezer that did tons of drugs in the Eighties. They forced everyone to leave the stadium right before Coldplay because of lightning - guess they are paranoid of another electrocution per the Tibet Freedom Festival. Coldplay was worth the wait, although it was funny watching Chris Martin hump the piano. I felt like I was watching some weird fetish porn or something. Foo Fighters of course was my fave.

Waffle House at midnight rocks. I wish they had them up here.

Reminder that I'm not getting any

Maybe I spoke too soon. One of my neighbors (probably not the couple with two kids next door) let out a series of orgasmic shrieks last night at around midnight. I don't think she was lifting weights. Ho hum...

This morning on my way to work, the guy next to me on the E train (who was total 80's redux with the jogging pants and the Jerri-curled hair tied back in a small braid in the back) kept using my thigh as an armrest. I had to restrain myself from bitchslapping him. Glaring and squirming didn't work, so I finally tapped him on my shoulder and pointed out that his elbow was on my leg. Ugh...

Safety Last

Some things I hate about living alone in an apartment:

• I have found four bugs so far, one dead. Two of them had thousands of legs and took up residence in my bathtub. My bathroom is not a bug spa.
  
• My neighbors make a lot of noise, between the kids watching Saturday morning cartoons or their parents having late-night conversations in some south Asian dialect. At least they do not have loud sex.
  
• This weekend I grilled a rib-eye on my stove. My apartment still smells like well-done meat.
  
• Speaking of the stove, my pilot lights constantly go out. I live in fear of being gassed in my sleep.
  
• I cannot shower in peace. Tonight, towards the tail end of my post-workout bath, after I'm all nice and relaxed, the smoke alarm went off. My water doesn't even get that hot. So there I was, dripping on my duvet, towel falling off, trying to yank out the battery without getting electrocuted. It took me 10 minutes to get the battery out. My neighbors probably hate me; I know my dad is sick of me calling with all my problems, especially late at night. I had to punch the alarm so that it wouldn't deafen me. Now I need a new smoke alarm.
  

Gah...

ARGH

Very irritated at this point in time. My feet and decolletage are peeling, and my skin has broken out from all the cocoa butter goo I have been slathering on to keep my skin bronzed and supple. Then Jesus Christ Superstar showed up today. Even though I am highly against better living through pharmeceuticals, I think this situation calls for high doses of Xanax. Damn, this summer is gonna suck.

I need a hug, preferably from a hottie with good arms.

Back to the grind...

My vacations was a success! Besides getting to the airport three hours early to compensate for our 100-meter dash to the gate last week, I have a great tan and managed to finish two books and get through most of a third:
The Godfather Returns: Very similar to Mario Puzo's style - easy prose, the usual sex, murder, and good food. No surprise, lots of people get whacked. It's interesting how they make Fredo out to be a finocchio and give Michael a rebellious, family-loathing side.
Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals: I enjoyed reading this on vacation. It evokes some schadenfreude, especially when reading about other people's issues in foreign countries while stressing over whether to sit by the beach or the pool. I don't think I would ever date a convict in a Colombian jail, but that's just me.
The Russian Debutante's Handbook: Very cute. It reminds me of Jonathan Cranzen's The Corrections with respect to the cliches used and the funny business in the former Soviet bloc (although Shteyngart mocks Prague with his phony Prava, Stolovan Republic instead of setting the story in a real city). I enjoyed the peppering of conversation with Russian and the references to locations in New York.

Now, it's back to Reality. Man, I should have taken a couple days off this week after I got back. I am still in Island Mode anyway. Introduced myself to a co-worker I had already met because I didn't recognize him in a suit (although the Island Mode excuse worked well). The client inbox had about 300,000 emails to sift through, most of which ended up in the Recycle Bin. I did get some satisfaction from my tan matching my khaki pants on my first day back.

There is some random guy with really bad posture whom I caught staring directly at my chest - twice! Did he not see me glaring at him when I noticed it the first time? Question to all you men out there - do you REALLY think we are oblivious to this, and that we appreciate it?

Socks on the beach

Provo has been great so far. Did some snorkelling, managed to avoid coral stings and barracuda bites. Lots of beachcombing, sitting around doing nothing, just relaxing. Our biggest decisions are whether to sit by the beach or the pool, whether to sneak into the posh condo resort next door and use their beach chairs and umbrellas, and which of the overpriced local joints to have a meal. So far my favorite is the Tiki Hut, which used to be the Third Turtle Inn when I was here 15+ years ago.
I have been very religious with sunscreen, reapplying my SPF 15 regularly. Especially since on Wednesday I managed to get a patchwork sunburn due poor reapplication, and it was particularly annoying on the tops of my feet. I looked like a defective spumoni ice cream - vanilla chocolate and strawberry swirled together. On Thursday I wore socks poolside, it was so unbearable. My cousin took a picture, but I will not post it.

Paradise found

Yes, I have been really slacking in posting. No, this will not change any time soon. I am in Providenciales, Turks and Caicos, British West Indies (i.e., the Caribbean). No cell phone, no laptop. Nya nya...

Larry Flynt's - Deep Thoughts

You may think it slightly lecherous that I actually set foot in The Hustler Club, but it was free and I was helping a co-worker celebrate his bachelor party before he heads back to Hyderabad to get hitched. So there...

My new best friend and I made some interesting observations while mammaries jiggled and poles were ground:

• I am at least two cup sizes bigger than the employees, on average.
• The workers really enjoyed my company and were more than happy to oblige.
• People outside of major metropolitan areas have minimal to no gaydar. (Baltimore is not a bustling metropolis.)
• Lapdances should be conducted differently for men and women. It does nothing for me to have someone bounce up and down on my thighs, most likely because I am not equipped for this type of movement to excite me.

Bring on the crabcakes (again)

Back in Bal'more to help out my client from last year with some software upgrade and testing issues. Yee ha. I am all by myself this week, but next week the partner is coming. I hope he is happy with my work. Also hope I am not stuck in my hotel room watching Law and Order re-runs ad nauseum.

Next week I'll be at the Hyatt Regency Baltimore, cashing in my free Regency Club Upgrade certificate (yeay Platinum status!)

Any recommendations for good restaurants/bars?

Happy New Year!

Wow, I can't believe I've had this blog for a year. Thanks to my last trip to Vegas, as well as all the other travelling I've done this year, I hit silver status on Delta for the third year in a row - yeay! Here are my resolutions for this year:

• Lose at least 10 pounds - yadda yadda, everyone wants to do this


• Do something cultural or artsy at least once a month, trying to save up some money to buy a tenor sax. (If anyone has a horn that needs a home, let me know!)


• Travel to Morocco to visit Cybele, Eastern Europe and Thailand.

Speaking of Thailand, please please please support one of these charities, whether it's with time, money, or goods, to help the victims of the tsunami:
International aid organizations:
UNICEF (United Nations Children's Fund)
United Nations' World Food Programme
Medecins Sans Frontieres / Doctors without Borders (donate!)
CARE International
The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies

UK/Europe:
Disasters Emergency Comittee (DEC) - comprises a raft of aid agencies, including the below and others
British Red Cross
Save the Children UK

North America:
American Red Cross
Canadian Red Cross
Save The Children

Anders Jacobsen: Webloggers: Give to tsunami victims and I'll give too! - this is my friend Anders' fundraising effort.

I'm planning on calling the Red Cross in New York to see if there are any local activities to support the relief effort. Volunteering after 9/11 was very fulfilling for me, and I hope I can do something to help the survivors stay healthy and get back on their feet. Also, since I have umpteen million Delta SkyMiles, I plan on donating some to the relief effort as well. It's not only about money, people. Yes, cash is needed, but every little bit helps.