Wednesday, January 01, 2020

New Decade, Who Dis?

It's hard for me to believe a year has passed since I last wrote.  What a year it has been.  To turn the phrase on its head, the more things stayed the same, the more they changed.  I had some amazing moments alongside some very difficult experiences which I do not want to relive yet through the catharsis of writing about them.  In some cases I can't talk about them. 

Turning forty has hit me harder than thirty did, and this new decade of life may have amplified my ordeals.  I had a bit of a freakout before I turned thirty, then woke up on the day of my birthday like no big deal.  Perhaps the difference this time around was, some of the possibilities available ten years ago feel out of reach.  This is in the vein of Cat Stevens in Father and Son - "You will still be here tomorrow/But your dreams may not."  Yet in some aspects, I still feel twenty-five.

I have felt some internal shifts for the better over the past 365 days, and even in the past 3,652.  Lately I crave more nest time.  As I save more and shed expenses that feel burdensome, I find myself valuing interesting work and good company over salary.  As I push myself past self-imposed boundaries and face down fears, I have come out the other side stronger, both relieved I'm still standing and embarrassed I didn't try sooner.


Happy New Year friends.  I resolve to stay better connected.  It's going to be a hell of a ride, let's see where it takes us.